Bison Altercations: Yellowstone vs Street Fighter

90-second read

Our emailer of the week, Aman from London, wants to hear the Quietly Judging view on the recent Yellowstone bison attack.

Friends, in case you missed the news, a 65-year-old grandfather was walking through Yellowstone National Park with his grandson when he had an altercation with a bull bison.

His grandson escaped unharmed. It did not go quite as well for Grandpa, who was launched eight feet into the air.

Aman, thanks for your email. Two things:

First, have you ever seen the 1994 film Street Fighter? We’ll come back to that later, but this entire incident reminded me of that classic.

Second, have you ever seen a bison or visited Yellowstone?

Well, neither have I. But I’m told they are massive beasts. They roam around freely in the park because, well, it’s a nature reserve, and to be honest, there is no fence in this world that will stop a bison if it wants to go through it.

I feel terrible for the guy, genuinely, and I hope he’s recovering fine. That bison clearly had some generational grievances and decided Grandpa was the nearest outlet.

To add insult to Grandpa’s injuries, there are now viral clips and memes, with silly captions, posted all over the internet showing him flying through the air.

Looking at the clip, it seems like, as soon as he recognised the danger, he tried to do the right thing. He just didn’t have the legs for it. That bison really wanted to toss him, and it did.

But Aman, let’s not pile on the poor guy. What could he have done differently, you ask?

By most accounts, he and his grandson had kept their distance and hadn’t provoked the animal. I mean, they were around a hundred yards away, took a photo, and carried on walking.

What actually set the bison off afterwards isn’t entirely clear. It may have been startled by a passing vehicle. Who knows?

On the other hand, the park is plastered with warning signs telling visitors not to approach the animals, and some people just choose to ignore them.

One minute, you’re trying to get a picture for the group chat, and the next thing you know, you’re up close and personal with a bison that just woke up and chose violence.

There’s a reason your camera has a zoom function.

And Aman, let me ask you something. How fast can you run?

On your best day, do you think you could outrun an animal that moves at 30 mph?

It doesn’t look like anyone was taunting the animal, but only Grandpa knows exactly what was said in those final seconds. It’s the only thing that explains why the bison took it so personally.

At this point, we should acknowledge that Grandpa was very lucky. The bison could have gored or trampled him after he landed, but it chose not to continue the disagreement.

I guess it felt that its point had been made.

Which brings us back to Street Fighter.

The movie is loosely based on the arcade fighting game, where the final boss is an antagonist called M. Bison, general of a militia army.

He’s a real bruiser unit and charges at you with nasty pressure combos like the Psycho Crusher.

In the film, a character out for revenge finally corners him and explains her reasons for seeking vengeance. Bison looks at her and delivers one of the coldest lines ever:

“For you, the day Bison graced your village was the most important day of your life. But for me, it was Tuesday.”

That’s the whole thing, isn’t it?

For Grandpa, it was a day he’ll never forget.

But for the bison, it was just another Tuesday.